These Advice given by My Parent Which Rescued Me as a New Father

"In my view I was simply in survival mode for the first year."

One-time Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the difficulties of fatherhood.

But the reality soon became "very different" to what he pictured.

Severe health issues around the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was thrust into becoming her main carer while also caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, each diaper… every stroll. The duty of mother and father," Ryan stated.

Following nearly a year he burnt out. That was when a conversation with his parent, on a park bench, that made him realise he needed help.

The direct statement "You aren't in a good place. You need assistance. How can I assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and start recovering.

His experience is commonplace, but rarely discussed. While society is now more comfortable addressing the strain on mothers and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the struggles dads encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan feels his struggles are linked to a larger failure to open up amongst men, who often absorb negative ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets hit and doesn't fall time and again."

"It is not a sign of failure to seek help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, says men often don't want to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not justified to be requesting help" - particularly ahead of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental state is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the opportunity to take a pause - taking a few days abroad, separate from the family home, to see things clearly.

He realised he had to make a shift to focus on his and his partner's emotions in addition to the day-to-day duties of taking care of a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has changed how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will help his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of emotion and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen did not have consistent male guidance. Even with having an "amazing" connection with his dad, long-standing emotional pain meant his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says repressing emotions caused him to make "bad actions" when younger to alter how he felt, finding solace in substance use as an escape from the hurt.

"You turn to substances that aren't helpful," he explains. "They can short-term modify how you feel, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Tips for Managing as a New Father

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling under pressure, confide in a friend, your other half or a counsellor how you're feeling. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the things that made you feel like the person you were before having a baby. This might be exercising, seeing friends or gaming.
• Don't ignore the body - a good diet, staying active and when you can, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is coping.
• Meet other new dads - sharing their journeys, the messy ones, as well as the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Know that seeking help isn't failing - looking after yourself is the optimal method you can look after your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the passing, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead provide the safety and emotional support he lacked.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the frustrations constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they acknowledged their issues, changed how they express themselves, and learned to manage themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I wrote, sometimes I feel like my purpose is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but actually, it's a dialogue. I'm learning just as much as you are in this journey."