Evening Personalities Lampoon Trump's New 'Gold Card' Immigration Program

Television's prominent entertainers devoted their broadcast ridiculing ex-President Donald Trump's newly unveiled immigration initiative, dubbed the "golden visa," describing it as a obvious pay-to-play scheme for the rich.

Colbert's Sarcastic Spin

Starting his program, Stephen Colbert offered a satirical Christmas song directed at the commander-in-chief. "He is making a list, reviewing it twice, and then handing that list to the people at ICE," he sang. "Trump ... spoils all he touches."

The subject was the new initiative which allows international citizens to purchase U.S. residency for the price of one million dollars, or "top-tier" tier for 5 million. The program's portal guarantees approval "in record time."

"One thought for you to rich immigrants: before you pony up, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He noted that the program is also intended to "squeeze cash" from companies looking to hire foreign workers, requiring significant fees. "That's a lot of fees, but if you sign up, you also get two free nights at a property of your choice – as long as it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he added.

"The best background check the government has before done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to ensure these applicants absolutely are eligible to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "The initial query: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Commentary

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the initiative the "American Dream Express Card."

"It's a card that will allow affluent foreigners to live here," he stated. "For a million dollars, you get legal visitor status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one major crime of your choosing."

"Maybe it's time to update that poem on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your tired masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel mocked the lack of detail of the application, observing it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"Exactly, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Grocery Issues

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's plunging approval numbers amid economic worries. "People gave Donald Trump a another term because they were upset about the economy," he said.

This week, in a attempt to tackle cost of living, Trump held a press conference in front of a array of grocery items, and behaved oddly to some cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a while."

"He is so fucking weird," Meyers responded. "Like, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by mocking conservative news defenses of Trump's economic record. "Maybe instead of complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he joked.